The Yellow Blanket
“Cashew, why won’t he call me?” I whine to my dog. My dog just looks at me with his big eyes and let out a sigh. I let one out too and turn my head to the ceiling of my living room. I hadn’t seen Blake since our fight a week ago. I know that I owe him an apology, but he owes me one too after what he said to me. All I was trying to get him to understand is that I’ve been feeling a little neglected lately and I wanted him to make some time for me. But of course, he got upset and called me needy and clingy which made me angry and then I called him an asshole and then questioned his love for me. That made him extremely upset, and he stormed out of my apartment, and I haven’t seen him since.
“I mean I know I owe him an apology, but he owes me one too. Like how hard is it to just pick up the phone and call or better yet just walk down the hall and knock on the door.” Cashew lets out another sigh and gets up from the couch and walks into my bedroom. Great, even my dog is tired of me now. I sit up and reach to grab the remote control off my coffee table. Maybe a little television will calm my nerves. I turn to the animal planet because this is the only channel that won’t relate to my situation.
As the show “River Monsters” goes on, I start to get a little chilly, and I grab a blanket to the right of me. It’s Blake’s blanket. It’s a beautiful canary yellow throw. I drape the blanket around me and pull it tight. He left this over my house when we had a movie night together. That was our first date. I was so nervous that night I couldn’t get comfortable on my couch. I kept repositioning myself due to my nerves and Blake took notice of it because the next thing I knew he was pulling me into his arms and he wrapped us up in this yellow blanket. I finally stayed still once I was in his arms.
I bring the blanket up to my nose, and I take in the smell of it. Ugh, it even smells like him. I pull the blanket over my head and put my face in my hands. What have I done? If this goes on any longer who knows when things will get resolved. I’m such a terrible girlfriend he probably doesn’t want to be with me anymore. Tears start to well up in my eyes the more I think about our fight. I shouldn’t have questioned his love for me. I shouldn’t have called him an asshole for not spending more time with me. The way his face went from angry to hurt I knew I had crossed the line with him. I feel terrible knowing that I hurt him that way. I’ve probably ruined our relationship entirely. I don’t know what he expects me to think when I only see him two days a week. I mean some days we wouldn’t talk at all. I wouldn’t hear from him for days, and I just wanted to spend time with him. I don’t know what changed. We went from talking every day to only talking once maybe twice a week. I know he’s a busy person with his job but can’t he at least make some time for me? I just don’t want to lose him. He makes me happy. He is the only thing in my life that I honestly do love and care about. He’s always there for me and is my shoulder to cry on, and I’m crying now and I don’t have my shoulder. I need my shoulder.
I pull my face out of the blanket, in tears. I get up with the blanket still wrapped around me and I run to my front door to leave and go apologize to Blake. I run to the end of the hall to his door and knock on it louder than I mean and wait for an answer. God, I hope he’s there. Please be in there. He has to be in there its Sunday night. I’m about to knock again when the door swings open. Blake looks at me with a blank expression. He’s about to say something, but I cut him off.
“I know you probably hate me for what I said to you last week and I am so sorry for what I said to you. I shouldn’t have questioned your love for me, and I shouldn’t have called you any of those names and I’m so sorry, Blake,” I cry out to him. I see his expression change and he pulls me in his chest as I cry my eyes out in front of him.
“Claire, calm down, I know you didn’t mean what you said and I was just about to come over and see you so we could talk about what happened.”
“Really?” I muffle into his chest.
“Yes, now can you please relax and stop crying?”
“But you hate me.”
“Oh, Claire, don’t be ridiculous I could never hate you. I love you so much.” He pulled back a little so he could see my face. He wiped some of my tears away and held my face in his hands.
“I’ve missed you.”
“I missed you too. So much.” He leaned down to kiss my forehead and whispers “I’m sorry,” to me.
“Now why don’t we go inside and talk this out ok?” I nodded, and he leads me into his apartment. I feel so relieved that I finally got my shoulder back.